Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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