you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
