If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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