this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dick very happy bro
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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