You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
