Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
