It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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