Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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