Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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