I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
