I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
