We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
