i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
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Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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