I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
