I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
