I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
