hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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