I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
