I want to have your abortion
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
