Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
this just has baby written all over it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
