I wannas sexs uuuuu
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
