Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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