you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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