I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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