Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
