She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
