your thong is hanging out like whoa
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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