Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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