you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You ruined the universe
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
