I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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