If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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