Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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