Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
