The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
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I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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