You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
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Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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