Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
