You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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