are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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