There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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