dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
