I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
