I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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