4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
someone threw a dead crab at me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
