yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
