whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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