You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
