you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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