Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
