Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
