woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
