No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
