Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
