Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
