does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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