I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
