people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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