Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
