I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
