Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
