He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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