Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
