Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
