im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
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My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
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There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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