hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
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Even my vagina gasped.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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