OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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