I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
