i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
