walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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