Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
