i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
