is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Someone came in the potted fern
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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