I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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