I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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