she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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