Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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