69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
