She just used a chaser for red wine.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
