He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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