Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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