The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
