I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
