I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize