hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
