Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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